“Close you eyes, now and rest, may these hours be blessed … Sleepyhead, close your eyes, for I’m right beside you Guardian angels are near, so sleep without fear Lullaby, and good night…” – Brahms / Karpman


Did you know that people don’t always die in their sleep? I’m talking about terminally ill people here … people that are 100% going to die. 

I was talking to another doula tonight who is speaking at an ALS event. She wanted to know what it was like, if there are things I wish I knew before Duane’s death or questions I would have liked answered regarding death. Things I wish hospice or doctors had told me. All pertaining directly to ALS. 

I spoke with her for over a hour. We spoke about death and caregiving and ALS. And then I stopped and I said, “As dumb as this sounds, I honestly thought my husband would die in his sleep. I would have bet money on it … that one morning I would just roll over and he’d be dead.” I truly just believed that. I have spoken with other ALS widows and they thought the same thing. Maybe it’s because of our age, or we weren’t in the medical field before. Who knows. BUT we truly, even after caregiving for a dying person, believed they would die in their sleep. 

No. That is not what normally happens. It may happen sometimes. But it’s not the norm. People suffer. People need help. There is pain. Intense pain. There are decisions to be made. The spouse, caregiver needs to make them. We need to end the suffering. 

Let’s talk about death and dying. Let’s open the conversation. I’m here for it…. 

Reach out with questions or things you would like me to discuss deeper. 

– xoxo Victoria

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